Jo has a deep thirst for knowledge and loves to share her learnings. Jo adores empowering women. She is an avid supporter of the underdog, an animal rights advocate, a travel lover, and a laughter spreader.
It’s time to get curious. Now. Who are you? Is this your life that you are living? Are you doing someone else’s strategy that doesn’t feel aligned?
It’s ok to want to be you. Do things your own way. Remember you don’t need somebody else’s permission, live your life, go do it yourself, figure out a way that feels good and true to you.
We give so much blind faith. We give blind faith to the government, to doctors to churches. Jo is probably going to ruffle some feathers by saying that we’re told what to do. We’re told in the parking lot which way to go in, park between these lines. Why? Because somebody else said so and then we agreed to it. But if you are being triggered, it’s because Jo is causing you to think and that’s a good thing.
Connect with Jo
IG – @jobradfordintl
Welcome to the podcast, Joe. Thank you. Thanks for having me. It’s very exciting. I am so excited that we connected and again, this is new connections. This is what I love. Yeah, I want to know, in this moment in time, what is the one thing that is lighting you up the most
lighting me up the most Gosh, is it’s a combination. One is to connect with amazing people. But the other is to actually make a difference and change people’s lives, help them to change their lives. That’s what really lights me up. Because I love to see people, especially women, I love to see them soar and succeed and just really shine in whatever they’re doing. You know what I mean? There’s nothing better than that. And I actually selfishly I think I get more out of it. Because I’m like, I get all excited. They’re just like, Okay, this is new. And I’m like, No, seriously, I’m authentically just thrilled for you. I love watching you transform, and I love to be able to help you do that. And that’s really, my mind, that’s what being a human is about is lifting others, you know, one of my favorite quotes is we rise by lifting others. And I think that if we can get out of our own head, we can get out of our own ego. And we realize that there is no separation, that that’s an illusion. And we’re really in this together. And by supporting each other and lifting each other, then our life is so much more meaningful, it’s so much more enjoyable, you know what I mean? And that’s, that’s a priceless feeling. But something you cannot fake, it’s something you cannot feel poorly about. It’s something you cannot take away is just this really high vibration, this really intense love that, you realize that that’s the truth. That’s the truth of life is just pure love and gratitude. So anyway, like going off here. But
no, I know, there’s got to be a story behind how you came to this, because most of us on this planet, don’t just start by rising others. Oh, a little bit about your story.
Sure, I’m never that great. It’s taken me a long time in full disclosure, to really get comfortable talking about myself, and where that stems from his. So I have this insatiable curiosity. And I think that’s very healthy. And it’s not it’s served me well, in the sense that I love to learn. And I’m always growing and learning and sharing that information. But when I was a child, I grew up with hippie parents, who had a very alternative lifestyle, but unfortunately, there was some abuse and drug abuse there as well. And I was pretty much raised as an only child, because my half siblings were out of the house by the time I was eight. So I really got to see like the decline of my parents. But what was great about my siblings, my parents, doing all the stuff they did is I learned from their mistakes. And one of the biggest things, takeaways growing up, I was always told, like you, you don’t matter, you shouldn’t be seen or heard. You’re just a tiny child, blah, blah, blah, and all this other stuff around that. And I realized that that’s the worst thing you can ever say to somebody, that’s the worst thing that you can tell somebody is convinced them that they don’t matter, because that’s not true. So I innately just was really supportive and my friends growing up, I was always like, especially when it came to the underdog, like, I want to, like yeah, I’m gonna cheer you on, I’m gonna be front room center, like whatever’s going on for you. Because I think you’re so awesome and wanted people to see the value in themselves. But it took me a long time to really get to honor that for myself. Because when you’re a child, those things that are in your subconscious, that little Thorn, it just festers for a long time, and it takes work, but there’s, you know, whatever is done can actually be undone. That makes sense.
It does. So I can’t wait to know how to do all the undoing, but it does make sense to me. So you’ve obviously gone through the journey of undoing some of this. And you’ve you’ve made some transition because now you’re helping others rise to what was like that first point of like, I can’t do this anymore. I need to undo huh
Whoa, the first one I don’t know if there’s a first one but there’s many moments and I think that those were just building blocks to where I got to the point you know, some people call it the line in the sand. Some people are just the breaking point but darkest point whatever. Um Honestly, I would say I was probably in my late 20s, early 30s. And I, I was homeless, living in my car, it was a short amount of time, but it was still like very scary. And I was living on the beach and I was in California. And I, I before that I lived in Seattle, I had a pretty prominent job in a engineering firm, and then the, the crash happened, and the economy and it didn’t really hit me until my position was eliminated. And it was about three years in. And then I moved to California. And it was like taking this huge pay cut because of the taxes and everything. And so I plowed through my savings really quickly. And then I would go and apply for a job. And there was like 500 applicants for the same job. But the difference was, they had several degrees, they spoke several languages. And I’m like, it really started to play into me like what value do I have to add? So I started settling and taking these jobs that were like way below what I was qualified for, right. And when I couldn’t pay my rent, and I couldn’t pay my bills, because I literally didn’t have any more savings and job, I sat there on the beach. And I was thinking, I’m like, this is happening for a reason. I’m not going to make this mean the end of the world, I’m not going to make it mean that I’m bad that something’s wrong with me, it’s happening for a reason. And just there was a shift, it was almost like I had an out of body experience. And I thought to myself, so if this is happening, it’s happening for a reason, and all the other things in my life that have happened that have not been pleasant. They’re not. I don’t have a crummy life. It’s not a bad life. It’s how I deal with what’s been handed to me. And what really clicked was, Oh, these are gifts. These are lessons. And these lessons are gifts. And that mentality shifted everything for me. And I thought, well, if something keeps repeating in my life, I’m the common denominator. So I need to figure out how can I be effective in changing that for myself, rather than being a victim, right, which so many of us have when we don’t realize that we’re stuck in victim mode. Because the truth of the matter is, what I learned is we truly are the creator of our mental health, our emotional health and our physical health. That said, we are the creator of our absolute life. Yes, you know, there was a crater of some sort that, you know, bore us into this earth. But in our life as humans, it’s like a game, we can do whatever you want. We are a player in this game. So let’s like, let’s play with the simulation, and see what we can do to change our life. And it really boils down to your mentality. I don’t know if that answered your question.
But now that we have all the follow up questions, you know, because questioner I love it. So when you started taking on this mentality, I’m trying to get from like that moment, where you are now supporting others through pivotal moments. Oh, well, yeah, I want to know that I want to know the things. I love
those things like honestly, I, I still had my library card. So I went into the library of that small town that I was living in, in California, and I started looking up self development, and I’ll say, self and personal development over self help, because there’s a different vibration to those right. And so I started reading, okay, who are people that I admire in my life? And what have they done? And how did they get there? I want to know their secrets. So started by reading about those individuals. The first one was Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich, right? Honestly, I was like, somebody handed that book to me at one point, and I’m like, it was like a big IRA. Like, what is this dude? gonna teach me that? I don’t know. And this whole like mentality and then I was like, Oh, he’s onto something. Yeah. And then it led me to all kinds of things like I read Gabby Bernstein. I read hidden messages and water, which a lot of people probably don’t know it’s mass mus Masaru emoto wrote that book. And literally this gentleman, this book really shifted things for me and you can read it in a weekend hidden messages in water. Way before the technology even existed. This gentleman figured out a way to take a picture of water and the experiment was talk negatively. Take two jars of water. talk negatively to this one. Talk positively to this. And take pictures of different entities or different components of time. And he also not just through it being water, but he also froze it and was able to take pictures of it frozen. And what he found out is it’s about frequency and intention. And the negative, he also did it with plants. And so like, but water goes into the plant, so ultimately still water, right. So whatever was negative how dark decay, like just really heavy stuff, and the water was dead, basically. And then if the plant was in the water, then it died. And everything that was spoken to positively and with love, the shapes were bright, and they were beautiful. And it was just a higher vibration. And it was flourishing. Same with the plant. That to me was the ultimate evidence of it really is about intention. And it really is what you put out there. Like, if I if I really want to change my life, and it’s up to me, I can get stuck in my mental stuff, which I had been for years. So I’m like, you know, how’s that working out? Obviously not very good, let’s try something different. And that book, I was just so blown away, I literally read it twice in the same weekend. And I was like, Okay, well then it’s gonna start small. So then with I’m feeling crummy about myself, and you know, I’m by the beach. So I might as well just take a walk or sit on the beach. So I just started taking all those negative ions in which are positive for your body. Take a walk, and I would say daily affirmations to myself. And I’d be like I instead of saying I’m gonna try I kept saying I am I am the two most powerful words in the universe I am. And then I also read this other book called mute and message from Down Under. Also a weekend raid very easy. It’s amazing. It’s about this woman who happens to be American. And she’s a retired doctor from the Midwest. And she was flown to I believe, either Melbourne or Sydney for this award. And when someone goes to pick her up for the award, it turns out, it’s an Aboriginal fella. And he takes her out to meet with this tribe. And they go on to a walkabout and she’s supposed to, but meanwhile, the like someone, the real person was supposed to pick her up. And it was this other people that, you know, found about what she was doing there. Like they for three months, she was like missing because she didn’t show up for this. They burned her clothes, her like passport, everything. And she went on a walk about these people and learned about their culture and their mentality. And it was the same thing was about energy and positive and negative. And it was just those books changed my life in that like pivotal beach moment, if you will. And the reason I’m sharing that is because
all it took was a thought, and then an action to that thought, Okay, well, if this is the thought I’m having, I don’t have any resources or so I thought, right? Oh, I’m living in my car, I don’t have any money. What can I do? I have a library card, oh, I can go to library, it’s free. I’ll check these books out. And I read them and it just started shifting things. So no matter how destitute and dire, we think we have it a there’s always somebody who has it worse. So stop feeling sorry for yourself, like, own it for a minute and then let it go. And then take action. So the next part was okay. I thought I wasn’t being resourceful. But truly, I had all these resources. I had knowledge, this information. So the next part was to take action. And once I like started the walking and the affirmations and the reading, I started meeting interesting people who were connected, and then it just kind of snowballed from there. And instead of saying no, I kept saying yes to the opportunities and less it didn’t less. I had like a visceral reaction. It was like, Whoa, this. I don’t think so. You know, I always listen to that. But that’s, I mean, I hope that answers your question. But that’s really what started the whole thing.
And now how are you using that in your life every
day? How I’m using that now? Oh, gosh. So six months? I mean, a year and a half ago, I hired the coach, because I was like, Okay, I went from all these different careers. And I mean, I did everything from I was a barista. I was in sales. I was a wine educator. I worked for a timer engineering group. I did a lot of different things. And they were interesting. I would go in and I like master it, but they didn’t fulfill my soul. And one thing I’ve always been told is you give great advice. You have good insight and you’ve been through a lot of stuff people would relate to that because you’ve been there you’ve done that so you can kind of lead the way and I’ve always has been a natural like leader as far as thinking and habits. So I took it upon myself and was like, Well, I’m need to be stretched, I need to do something I’ve never done before, I’m just going to like hire someone to kind of like help kick my own ass, right? Because you can only kick your own ass so much. But sometimes you need somebody to like help you be accountable. And so I hired I went through kind of like three of them as far as like interview process. And what I learned is what I went through, and I was like, Oh, my God, I actually know more about the subject and this person. And it was a group environment. And it was a short amount of time. It’s probably like a month and they, that coach hated me, because his ego was really bruised. He was like, Oh, my God, this little smarty pants, she knows everything. I’m like, I don’t I just happened to innately already know this information. And you’re not teaching me anything? I don’t know, someone asked you a question. And you don’t even know the answer to it. And you’re calling yourself the expert might want to rethink that. Like, just because someone considers them an expert. Guess what, they started out a novice somewhere. And it wasn’t that I was trying to call this person out and make him feel bad. It was just like, Hey, what about this? And hey, what about this? Because there’s a difference between? I’m in I’m an expert, and blah, blah, blah, but I only know this much. Whereas Look, I don’t know at all, but I’ve been there, I’m open minded. Tell me your side of the story. You just might convince me if you have something of you know, a nugget to share. Alright, and do you understand what I mean? Like, yeah. So it went from that coach to another coach, where I was like, so stressed out and would like sweat and have anxiety just at the thought before I would even prepare to have a conversation with this person. And I’m like, you know what, girl, this is not the person for you. And what I realized is that was that less than for me, because that person came up as a boundary issue. And once I set the boundary, it was another three months before that person Finally, let me alone, and I had to like stay firm. In my boundary, it was really interesting. And then the third person, I was kind of like, um, let’s have a conversation. It was great. And then we prepared to chat A week later. And then literally, we’re on the phone. And like, the phone drops the call, I tried to call her back, she tried to call me back, nothing would happen. Like nothing would go through, it was a brand new phone, she had a brand new, like all this stuff. And I’m like, Okay, these are signs from the universe. And I’m listening and paying attention, I had to learn all three of those before I realized I really need to just trust myself. And a lot of the stuff is in myself. And as it is for everyone, by the way. And then I said, you know what universe Give me the right person, the right person came along, and we’ve you know, but it had heads a few times. But I think that that’s good, because I think that as long as there’s like a synergy that feels good in the connection with your coach, but you still disagree, because they’re challenging you, but they ask you the right questions, so that you find the answers and you push through yourself. That’s the whole point of a coach, it’s not to hold your hand, and I’m going to tell you what to do. If that’s the kind of coach that you’re seeking, I’m not that person. But also, do you really want that I mean, we are conditioned from the time that we are born, our names chosen for us. Oftentimes, like our beliefs and our culture, that whole thing is shifted into us. Our friends, our family, our culture, our society conditions us as a human being. And we spend our whole life trying to uncondition and figure out who the heck we are and what we contribute to the world and how we really walk. And also like, do we like ourselves? And is that really what we want to be? And how do we figure that out? So I know I’m going off on a tangent. Great tangent, keep going. But my point is, is like just the level of self accountability and really questioning everything will always serve you. And I actually saw an interview with a let’s see if I get her name right. bislama
I didn’t get a good dunu I believe it’s her last name. I’m totally butchering it. Long story short, she’s this amazing, beautiful woman who is so powerful and just wise and she is the marketing master for Netflix. And she like has worked for Apple and a million other companies. But what she shared today in the interview that I saw was she someone’s like, what you define like being a badass? What does that mean? And she said it is owning absolutely all of who you are. And being in control of that flaws, and all and what I mean by control is, being the master of your emotions, knowing that it’s not personal knowing that others have Their story and they’re seeing you and everything they do in their life is through a filter. And then it has nothing to do with you. But if you can get outside of that and try to interact with people from that point, then you’re about us. And I was just like, oh, that’s my girl. I love that. Like, I’m the self accountability. And then the other part that she talked about also happens to be in, like, intense curiosity. Those are two things that I’ve always valued in my life. And from like, a little tyke, I don’t know where that came from. But I’m grateful. And they’ve served me well. And I hope that anyone listening to this, that resonates with that, and really just starts to take that. Because if we’re waiting for someone else to give us the answer, or we’re waiting for permission, why? What are you waiting for? You don’t need somebody else’s permission, live your life, go do it yourself, figure out a way. I have this neighbor, very sweet gal. But she is like one of the neediest people I’ve ever met. And I say that with love, but there are days where I’m like, Girl, Google it, figure it out, like stop asking me and she’s like, well, how did you figure it out? I’m like, I just did it. And I either made a mistake, or I googled it, I looked it up, I figured it out. And she was like, Oh, this woman’s like, you know, she’s a little bit older than I am. And I’m just like, how do you get by in life? If you’re waiting for permission from everyone else is not bad or wrong, believe me, there’s no judgement, I get it. I’ve been there too. But my point is, she was like, waiting for someone to like, hand her the information or waiting first line or waiting, just stop waiting, take action, figure it out. You know, take action, just figure it out.
I love and I love that you’re approaching everything with curiosity. I think for me, I know that that was one of the hardest things for me, because as a kid, what do we do? Why? Why? Your parents are like, if you say why one more time, I am going to wring your neck. Like, stop asking why. But it’s really that curiosity that’s moving us forward. Yeah. And I think that you brought up another important point is that, like, think about what you want for a coach. Like, I want to go back to that because you went on this great tangent, and I had all the questions. But when you’re working with a coach, yeah, we know, we might know more than you. We might know less than you, sir. But you’re learning something, you’re moving forward, you’re getting triggered in some way to make some sort of a change, to get back into self. And I think that that’s like that was so important, or something. I just wanted to say it again, because that was so important. If something that you just said that I wanted to like, hit it at home, drop that mic, like, get curious. Now, who are you? Is this you that’s living this? Are you doing someone else’s strategy? Are you like, yeah, so important to trust himself?
Absolutely. And I had to go through that for several reasons. I mean, there’s a couple, I think, important lessons there. And one was trusting myself above all to was, Why am I seeking a coach? And why am I seeking that coach? And what I realized is just because they’re interviewing me, I have the same right to interview them. Why should I choose them? And I’ll tell you what, most of them were shocked when I asked the question because they hadn’t been asked. We give so much blind faith. We give blind faith to the government, to doctors to churches, and I get that right. And I’m probably gonna ruffle some feathers by saying that we’re told what to do. We’re told in the parking lot. We’re told which way to go in the park between these lines. Why? Okay, because somebody else said so and then we agreed, Okay, great, that’s fine. But if I’m triggering you, it’s because I’m causing you to think and that’s a good thing. So if love me or hate me, that’s fine. But anyway, so one of the things so I want to go back to that because that’s a good point is one I learned to trust myself to I learned to question and three I learned to really get present and check in. Okay, this one didn’t work, but I learned something from it. This one didn’t learn but I learned something from it. This one didn’t work, but I learned from it. This one, it works. I’m learning from it. And I’m so much more I’m learning from it that I don’t even know right now. But some of those didn’t feel good while I was going through it but I still questioned and myself What’s going on here? Why am I feeling triggered? Why am I feeling upset? Why am I feeling this? Or that? Is it because I didn’t listen to myself? Or is it because I let someone else treat me some way or define me or what’s going on? Generally, I mean, like we don’t check in with ourselves enough. We don’t ask ourselves those questions enough. And I think as society continues to awaken In what’s happening is there’s this beautiful compassion and this exploration and this curiosity and this love, not just for ourselves, but it’s permeating out into everyone that we interact with. And it’s really it’s starting to loosen the crusty crusty is on everyone that’s been there for the past year. You know,
the crusties. So now that you’ve stepped into this new new version of you, I know that you’re serving others. Can you tell me how you’re serving others? Like, how are you bringing this to continue your ripple or tsunami? Whatever you call it?
Yeah. Um, thank you. Well, that’s, I’m still so. So excited. There’s all these ideas in my head all the same time, so I have to, like, calm down. Um, so I have been coaching for a bit. And what that looked like before was I was more on the energetic healing side. So which is quantum and it’s physics, right? So everything is energy. And there’s only 4.6% I have a point. So just bear with me. 4.6% of the world’s mass is hard mass. Everything else is energetic vibration. This all this stuff is an illusion, right? So there, that’s why humans are so sensitive to sound, why we’re so like, when Oh, that person gives me a bad vibe. That’s energy. Right? We don’t see it as energy because we’ve again, the conditioning. So I was really fascinated, I went through a time where I had, I had a partner who had terminal cancer, and we were best friends in high school, we kind of lost touch, and we got back together. And I was like, I don’t know what to love. You mean it, you’re kind of like, kind of a hot mess. And he’s like, well, I’m sick. I’m like, okay, I didn’t have to, but it’s like, you’re not going through this alone. He’s my friend. I care about him. So, you know, I saw him through that. But I did it alone, I didn’t have a support system. And he was an only child. And both of his parents were deceased. So like, he didn’t have much, and I don’t have those Family Resources myself. So I was like, well, we’re kind of in this together. You know, what I learned is, energy is everything. And it goes back to that you remember the book, I read the water of, you know, the intent. And I started thinking about that. And then after he passed, I was like, in it like it was the grief was intense. It was real. It was really discombobulating. And then I had a session with a healer or a Reiki healer. And I hadn’t had one since I was really little. So it’s been a while. And it changed everything for me. And I was like, this is really what I want to do. And then I went into that. And I mastered that. And I did that for years, I got mastery level of top people in, I realized that I was keeping me small, I wanted to do something so much bigger, because it’s not just energy like that needs to heal, it’s your mind that needs to heal. Because your subconscious is so super powerful. And yet we ignore it so much. And it energetically is the cause of a lot of our health issues and our freedoms or the prisons, if you will, that we make for ourselves, right. So then it just catapulted me into learning everything I could about, like I studied, NLP and masteries. And then hypnosis which is let’s just be clear, I got a bone to pick with Hollywood on that hypnosis is not what you see on TV or the movies that is so not even true. It’s not it’s as simple as, hey, let’s calm ourselves. Relax, meditate. And I’m going to consciously ask you if I can talk to your subconscious. Is that okay with you? Sure. And then you start, right. That’s it. It’s like so I mean, you know, that’s the nutshell version, but I just kind of wait for a minute. Yeah, we will have you say words in there, like, oh, because everyone thinks what they see on TV and movies is real, and it’s not. Um, so long story short, that’s what brought me but working with quantum changed everything for me, because this is where we are on Earth. Right now, this is three dimensional. And there’s so many other dimensions we don’t even know about and recognize. So I found this coach, and we started working together and I was able to work with other dimensions and leave a lot of 3d behind. And so my goal and my mission in life is to help people transition from 3d to the 4d Bridge, so that they can change their life and get the freedoms that they need. So it’s a combination but who I work with is very specific. I don’t With everyone, there’s an application process. And so during our conversation, I asked for permission, can we talk to like your star family, your galactic family? And can we talk to your soul family, and whatever comes through, that is a conversation that’s going to shift and change them for the better. Regardless if we work together, because there’s no judgement, it’s not about selling, it’s about service. Genuine, I mean, so no matter what I want, every conversation I have with people to be one that is of love.
And it could be two seconds, it could be the person in the grocery store. It could be whoever I’m buying, like shoes from, or whatever the situation is. Even my, my pets, my cats, they are my companions. I love them dearly. There’s a big difference when I’m like, hey, and I raise my voice and I’m like crabby Appleton with them versus like, Hey, guys, what’s going on, and I get a third level on I talked to them, you know, and because animals understand intent and love, right, that’s why their life is so short is to teach us all these really pure messages and lessons in life, but we as humans over complicate things. So I know there’s a whole nother tangent I just went off on but it was a long winded story, but I think they recapped it there maybe a little bit
So if someone were to, to find you and to try to get into your space so that you guys could connect where’s the best place that people can interact with you?
They can interact with me, I’m at my website, which is Joe Bradford international.com. Or they can look me up on Facebook Joe Bradford international and they can DM me or contact me through the website. So yeah, or I do have a podcast but so just so you know, it just started it’s probably I was like a few episodes that you can binge but um, it’s Joe Bradford international and it’s on Spotify and anchor and my website is still under construction with some things so bear with me doing it all myself man teaching myself
but you did the thing and that’s what matters. Yeah, took action. Take action. Yes. And it’s a podcast. So like my heart up just people say I started this. I’m like, good.
So welcome, Radita, how are you today?
I’m doing great. I’m doing really good. Thank you. I am so excited to have you here. Because First off, we are sharing an amazing leadership circle. But I know that you just got finished with this retreat, and I need to know all the things just just spill the tea please.
Well, the question is more, where do you want to begin?
The question would be where do you want to start? How did you get into this retreat? First off?
Alright, so I am a, I’m teaching mindfulness. And
whenever I spoke, or asked a question about how to be a great mindfulness teacher, the same question always comes back to me. Not question but
indication and information is that you have to keep doing retreats, as many as you can, at least 110 day a year. And that’s the message that I have been receiving from Jon Kabat Zinn that I’ve had the honors to ask questions in person, one on one. And that was his his advice. And my mentor that I’m working with, in this teacher training to become a mindfulness meditation teacher, which is just an extension and to get a certification in what I’ve been doing for the past two years, and actually even longer than that. And so she was also saying, like, retreats, retreats, retreats. So when she said that, I went to look, and I looked up spirit rock, which is on the west coast. It’s meditation, mindfulness, space. So you seem to know about that. Yeah. And so I saw one that was perfect for this last week, because that nothing planned last week, besides one mentorship meeting that I have every two weeks, that I easily can move. And so that had to be it. So that’s why I signed up.
And tell us a little bit more about 30 day. No, it was five days, but it was five days of like, what kind of mindfulness? Well, so the title of it is insight meditation, the direct path to liberation.
And it’s based on insight meditation, and so therefore silent, it’s noble silence, retreat. And
usually they’re 10 days. And this one is five days, probably because of the workweek. And
you have a whole schedule, you begin in the morning, and it ends in the evening, and every hour is planned. You doing
silent meditation, like you’re on your own, but with the group, you’re doing, walking, meditation, or mindful walking, you have designated times when you eat.
You don’t write, you don’t read you. You don’t do anything but spend time with yourself.
I turned off my phone for five days, from the moment that it started till it was ending.
And I only like I’m I did it at home.
And so I have a six year old and a husband and they just had to deal with me not speaking much. I did speak in the morning because with a six year old, it’s tough to tell them like hey, I won’t be talking to you but you’ll be seeing me around.
So we did talk in the morning, but he knew that only limited times and at night at
would only say good night Goodbye, like, yeah, good before sleep time and would exchange a few words, but nothing crazy. And then that was pretty much my my days, I slept in a guestroom, I had this whole room to myself, I will close the door, I will be in there. And yeah, that was it. So what was that experience? Like? Just being silent with yourself?
I actually don’t mind them. I really loved that time. And I mean, I can laugh on my own, I don’t need to have anything to laugh about. It could be just me. I’m just sitting there all the sudden that have like, Whoa, moments, you know? And I’m like, Well, that was pretty darn good. Like, who could have come up with this? You know, so it’s like,
pretty funny like that. And, yeah, I don’t really have a problem. I actually noticed that. Now, like, I haven’t spoken much today. But the amount that I spoke today is already too much. Like before this call, even though I was on a phone with a friend, for maybe 90 minutes, we wouldn’t see each other, but my eyes were open the whole time. Like before this call, I had to like, go sit down and close my eyes for what amount of time because I just fell, my eyes were just so exhausted already. And so what I’ve learned is just that we’re using way too much talking like we’re talking way too much not saying anything. And it just teaches me that every day, I just have to limit the amount of words I use. And
especially when it comes to conflict for an incident that keeps coming to mind. It’s just that we don’t need to explain ourselves to the most details, and how we really felt like if we can really get into the essence of that conflict. It’s all said, If I can really sense of what I felt in that particular moment that it’s all said. And so it’s really interesting how
when you spend time on your own,
and you’re not really talking that you get all the answers, you don’t need outside sources to tell you what to think or what to say. Because in fact, I feel that is distracting us from what we actually know already. And we’re getting misguided from our core. Yeah.
That’s so interesting. That’s like the core of what you are teaching and what you’re sharing with the world is like going inward with self.
Yeah. And you know, it’s so interesting, because this particular retreat was so different, because it had nothing to do with me. Like, even though I just spent the time by myself, but all the thoughts that came up all the ideas, and the new things I wanted to focus on, was how we as humans function. So it wasn’t as much of my issues or my challenges or my struggles, or, you know, my friend was asking me about my thoughts. What what, you know, did you have thoughts or anything that you were, like, ruminating around? And I was like, No, actually, there were no much specific thoughts about something specific going on, you know, which is interesting, because it’s like, so is there nothing going on, you know, and it’s like, I guess, nothing that would matter so much in my life at that moment, to be ruminating about thinking.
That is, so to me, I’m like, my mind is like, like my job like my brain just shut off. Like, I don’t even know how to comprehend that, because I like not thinking and not constantly doing. But I bet like did it change how you felt physically in your body taking that time?
Oh, you’re touching exactly on that. Because what I came to realize we had to do walking meditations. And I should say mindful walking, because then it’s much more it makes more sense that way.
And, you know, it’s not the first time I’ve done it. But I think it’s the first time
that I had enough time to ask myself, what’s different with sitting meditation or mindful walking, and after the first full day on Tuesday, what was interesting is exactly what you just said is that I became
more aware on
What relationship I should have with my body. And instead of what we’ve been having with it. So what I said, we had the first Dharma talk at the end of the day, like every day, at the end of the day, we have an hour where they just talk about certain aspects.
And they were like, earlier in the day, we’ll, he was explaining about the mindful walking, how it works that you do one step after the other, and you just notice lifting off your foot and moving right. And then in the evening, Nisha, she was then again saying like, you know, he did it so gracefully. And I’m sure when you’re doing it, it’s not graceful at all, right? You’re like, it’s kind of mechanical, when you starting off doing this really like with new thinking, like, Alright, I’m lifting my foot. Okay, and what is it really going to do? Like, why is that important? And so I started ruminating, like thinking about it, like, ruminating, I don’t know, that’s like, seems to be maybe I should read Rumi, because I’ve been ruminating.
So what I started realizing that evening, when I was doing the dishes, because it’s all the same thing. We’re using our bodies, be it mindful walking, mindful, eating, mindful dishing, we’re doing this.
I got out of Dharma talk, I had to do dishes, I wanted to do dishes. And then I thought of tech, not Han, who always talks about doing dishes mindfully. And then, all of a sudden, like, I’m like, oh, mg, I just realized that, I’m starting to use my body, to use my body, not for the sake of using it to do something else. So let’s use the dishes as an example. Usually, we thinking of like, Oh, I’m holding the pop, and the cleaner to clean it. So the dish gets clean, our goal is to clean the dish.
But in fact, if we’re doing mindful dishing, I’m just gonna call it that.
It’s not about getting the dish clean. It’s about the interaction that we’re having while doing the dishes.
So I was thinking about, I’m using my arm, my elbow, in this manner, I’m using my fingers holding the pen. So I’ve had a different relationship to my body, I started to one appreciate my body, and to relate it to the actions that I’m doing, versus the outcome that my actions will be doing. That makes sense. Make sense to me? Okay, good. I think that that’s cool that you’re taking like, it actually, again, makes you slow down, get into your body. And I love that it takes you out of that moment of just seeking that goal, because that causes so much distress in our bodies.
Yeah, and you pointing exactly to it, because what we are doing all our lives is using our bodies solely for a vehicle to getting from A to B. And we’re missing out on the action between a B
in between the transition between a to b. And it really was such a new way of thinking and how to relate to it that I am not doing the things that I’m doing to do them. It’s to be present in each moment. And so this retreat has really been the most eye opening I’ve ever come maybe because I’m so much immersed in this, like, I am a mindfulness teacher kind of aspects like I really become more interested in understanding what this work really is about this teaching. It’s not about making seven, seven figures, right? Like, that can’t be my goal to be this profession. Like that’s just the can’t work because then I’m losing this already. Because I can’t. As a mindfulness teacher, I realized I can’t be thinking about the future. All I can do is thinking about them now. All I can think about is the conversation I’m having with you right now, how I’m feeling and not what this outcome will be completing this.
And so it really resets
our way of living, and we are becoming more aware for sure. But also, we appreciate our bodies for what it does, and not just
misusing it for the sake of using it? Because it’s available to us at no cost, right? And so we are spending so much more time putting our thoughts into something that we have to pay for something because we think he has more value. Because Yeah, I’m spending $10,000 on a car, or Well, okay, $10,000 car is very cheap, let’s say $100,000 for a car, right?
And yes, we’re getting an amazing car, it probably has amazing engineering in there. But the body is free. And what I’m doing with it is the question, because if I have something for free, do I then misuse it? Because it shows me less worth because there’s no dollar signs attached to it, when in fact, there is no, no tag we can ever attach to the body. Because once we’re gone, we’re gone. And so that whole idea of transition from getting from A to B, I just put it to a to z, from birth to death, and that life is a whole transition, and that we’re not comfortable being in the middle of this transition of breathing in breathing out.
Just doing the dishes, then what’s the point? Yeah,
my brain is like, it’s processing.
I am so intrigued by this, slowing down getting engaged being now not future thinking. Because, I mean, I’ve, I can’t honestly say when I’ve not been goal driven.
And that piece that you are talking about from being now allowing it to be and just honoring our vessel is that’s magical.
So magical. So how are you going to use this in your everyday life going forward so that you can stay within this balance of being inward? And now?
describing it to my friend, she’s like, well, that’s good for you. That’s amazing. I was like, well, it was just a one. Okay, so. But one thing I started doing is to turn off my phone, like, because I had it off for five days, I now have a different relationship to receiving information from the outside world, right? I now realize that there is so much information happening inside of me that I can, you know, dedicate less time to the outside world and more time to the inside world. Because that’s where as you said it, the magic happens. Because you can’t create what you’re creating if it wasn’t for you.
And he wouldn’t be you.
If it didn’t come from you. If it was somebody else making it doing it for you, right? Even if you put your tag on it and say like, Jen, Jennifer’s that’s our, but it didn’t come from you it has doesn’t have the same meaning to you, right.
So what I wanted to do is like use my phone on like, literally on not just on silent mode, not just on airplane mode, but totally off around seven, eight ish o’clock in the evening, and not turn it on until the next day, around 10:11am.
And so if there are anything important that I know that I have to do, like logging my son into school for COVID questions, I will be going into my internet through my computer, and I will solely do those two things, and then close it and then dedicate myself to whatever things that I want to dedicate to. I might be using my computer, but then again, you want to be more aware. When your thought comes up. It’s like Well, I’m already on the internet. Let me just check Facebook, you know, oh, let me just check, whatever to become more aware of noticing like, Okay, do I really need to check it? Okay, now Wait, okay, it’s 930. Now, an hour not gonna make a difference, right.
So that’s like the one big thing that I want to do to really
I don’t want to say control, but be more in control of the outside force. Because I know for myself, I don’t know about you, but for myself, when my phone is on, and I see it the tendencies to just check it just even for a one second. That turns into five minutes. And then let me check another thing is so tempting. And it’s so large
that it takes so much practice, but when it’s off to literally turn it on, will take much more effort to do that. So about my phone on silent, you can’t hear a single ring nothing. I barely have any notifications on for auto
No, maybe a year or two.
So that wasn’t really much. And still, I’m checking, you know, my social media on a rather regular basis. And the second I said, They’re so cool. I have nothing else to do, right? Let me just check Quick, quick. And instead, I want to just remind myself, if I can check that, I can also just sit here for a couple minutes, close my eyes, put an alarm on, or go outside, even for two minutes. Now.
Oh, I love that and just gave me so many ideas of like, removing socials from my phone. Because until you said that I didn’t realize it actually is effort to go on my computer, and go on social and consume, versus having something in my pocket where it’s, I we call it our leash in my house.
Like, oh, did you forget your leash, and it feels so good, like, so free to leave it behind. But I think that that’s really interesting that you have you made the same observation. And I just made it based on what you just said, because I didn’t even realize that I had thought like that in the past. But going online via your computer does kind of cut some of that cord.
And we can’t deny that that’s, you know, our habits and tendencies and or habitual tendencies to bring it together. It’s like, that’s just how we trained ourselves. And it’s that craving for connections, it’s that craving to being seen and heard and acknowledged, and all these amazing things. And again, if we can’t be acknowledging ourselves and being seen and heard by ourselves, then nobody else will see or hear us. Yes, I’m also posting things. And yes, I also want to have, you know, an impact on the outside world. Yes, of course. But it doesn’t have to be 24, seven on my watch, or my health or my body, right, because if I don’t do that, then nobody will do it. And somebody wants said,
that when you talk about emails and responding to emails, it’s you who determines the rules, right? If I always immediately, you know, respond to a message that I’ve been receiving that might not need to be responded right away, that can be waiting a day or two that has no effect. If I always immediately respond, a person will expect you to always respond, and they will be maybe even worried that you don’t. And so it’s us to slowly let them know that our selves know, it’s okay not to respond, we feel we need to respond because it would show we don’t care, or we would show it doesn’t matter, we don’t matter or they don’t matter, or we’re not enough, or they’re not enough, or whatever these thoughts that we’re having, right.
And all these thoughts that we’re having towards the outside is, as you probably know, a reflection of ourselves. So if we can’t put those boundaries, those you know, regulations or ways of how we’re interact with our outside world, or our immediate surroundings, then they will take advantage because they can, if they can’t, any more than they want. So it’s us who allows it to happen. And so by being more present and aware of what’s going on inside of us, we really are able to also demonstrate that for real, and other people, especially the people that we living with, will notice that and they will be like,
Why? Why are you not doing that anymore? Like that? That thing, whatever that thing is that you’re doing? Right? It’s like, why not doing that? Then you’d be like, Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know, either, you know, and so you create a new pattern.
Because we’re changing, or the people will notice that they have to change or want to change or they appreciate your change or whatever that is, and it can only happen when we’re aware of something. So yeah.
That’s That’s such a great point. And it’s because we are teaching people how to treat us and how to interact with us. And that people pleasing and wanting to fit in and be cared for and all the things I was just I was having this conversation with somebody yesterday and it was like, Oh my goodness, that that’s it. That’s like the main thing is we from a young age want to fit in.
And we want to be you know, we fit into everyone else’s boxes, but we forget about our own fine little world.
Yeah, that’s really cool that this is the kinds of things that are coming up from being in that retreat.
Yeah, and we teaching ourselves what is most important to us, you know, because
If I always think that somebody else has the answers, and that somebody else has something that I need to have to make my life more fulfilled, then we’ll always be looking outside of ourselves. And then, once we’re at the end of our lives, or ill somewhere in a hospital, and we have nowhere or can’t go anywhere, we feel lost. But even in those moments, and I believe I haven’t been in that situation, but I believe that with this practice, when I get to that point, I don’t have to feel sorry for myself, I can be celebrating myself to have gotten to this point, come this far, because it’s nobody’s fault. Or, you know, we happen to be where we happen to be, for whatever reason, whatever we’ve done, and so that we got to a point, it’s just to get our eyes open, become more aware. And if we can do this, before we get ill, before something drastic happens in our lives, then we really save our lives, before it actually happens. And that’s what we love to call prevention. And that could be prevented in anything, right? And that’s just prevention, to live a fulfilled life, until the end of your life, because we don’t know when that is, it could be tomorrow, it could be 10 years from now, it could be in 4080 years from now, right? We don’t know. If we’re going moment by moment and not trying to get somewhere at a certain point.
We’re not missing out. Because we’re right where we were supposed to be.
Cuz that’s like my job. Okay, we’re done. All right, move on next. Oh, just kidding. But it’s true. Like, I’m just like, I love this podcast, because it’s always like where I need to be. I feel like this, this podcast, honestly, is divinely guided for all of my listeners and myself.
I just, that’s,
there’s just so much goodness, and there’s so much gold and what you’re saying about that, like being just being like, we are human beings. And we forgot how to be by always focusing on that long term goal and the moment by moment. So if someone was really stressing out, like, okay, I am thinking 10 years in the future, I am just going all out. What is like one thing that they can do since you’re a mindfulness teacher to bring them back into their body into the present moment? What’s something easy?
Well, the easiest thing that I discovered is to be aware of the actions that were taking.
And as simple as the last post that I wrote about, do you scratch that itch?
It’s that simple. Are you aware, when you have an itch that you’re going to scratch, that moment of becoming aware of an itch arising, and not scratching?
How difficult let’s get the thoughts feel good, right? There is a relief relief to like scratching, but we also know, the one time we scratch, we will scratch again.
Right? It’s like, almost guaranteed the same exact spot will come it might even be every single day at the same time, the same place. Like it could be as crazy as that is to just notice what’s arising,
not to react.
Notice it coming, and then be at two seconds. You know, like it doesn’t have to be like until it goes away. Which if you do meditation, if you you know, meditate, you notice that? Okay, that’s technically what you’re supposed to do, right is to notice what arises and not react to it, even if it’s edge to just let it pass by and observe it right. And so the same thing goes with the phone, you have a phone notification comes on.
You notice that like I noticed notification comes on what is arising, there is an urge to pick it up. Why? What is happening, just simple questions. And then with attention, you’re going to open it up or you will decide. I’m okay right now, I don’t think I need it. That will be your next step. But for the beginning, is just really notice.
I’m going to open this phone right now because I wanted to check something because the notification came up. So we starting to get an
Understanding that we are letting our minds our thoughts to manipulate the outcome of our actions.
So that we understand that we can control any actions, that we have a choice to do whatever you want to do in life. And that’s pretty much the most simplest thing to say. And most likely the hardest thing you’ve ever do, because you could use it for drinking, eating all the daily things that you’re doing, to not right away, grab a snack, because your tummy is rumbling. But to realize, Oh, my God, when’s the last time I ate? Or, and I’m just hungry because I’m bored? Or is it hungry, because my tummy is really telling me that I haven’t eaten in a long time. And so these are the things that I’ve learned in this past week. That is really the greatest teaching like before, I would have told you, like, take a few breaths here and there. But this I do believe is the greatest teaching and the one that we can relate to on the every day that we just let pass by, because we’re just doing them. And yeah, that’s pretty much my my tip of the day.
An amazing tip. So where can people find you if they want more tips?
Well, I am on Instagram and Facebook. As of next week, I’m actually doing a more you know, controlled way of posting things. So they’re not just whenever I feel like it. I’ll have themes of the week that was related to what I’ve learned last week as well. So it’s on Instagram and Facebook, it’s mindful being LLC. So the Facebook is just one all in one word. And in on Instagram is mindful that being that LLC, and then my website mindful being llc.com. That’s where they can connect with me also and find more information. I have meditations three times a week, so two evenings and one afternoon Eastern time. Yeah.
And I’ll make sure to get everything in the in the shownotes, obviously, so that people can find you. Because if I mean, at my mind is like I need to be present, I need to be here. And now I need to slow down. I need to know all the things I trained under a former monk. And these weren’t even things that I did in my training. And I was like, wow, that’s like the most deep, profound thing ever. The hardest, easiest thing that I’ll ever do in my life.
All the emotions, all the feelings all in one.
Exactly. I mean, one thing I just wanted to add, the why I picked those simple things also in this everyday things is because we can fix something larger, like frustration and anger. We can’t get hold of these little things. And so this is just the first step to get closer to noticing an anger arising and experiencing without being angry. And so that we can start responding to anything in life. Not just the immediate things in our personal life, but also the things that happens in interaction with other people.
I love that. So if somebody walked away with just one little Mic drop Golden Nugget, what would you want them to walk away with?
I guess the biggest thing that I always say it starts with awareness. Change starts with awareness. And the moment we become aware, the moment change can happen.