Tonetta Clay was born and raised in St. Louis, Missouri as an only child in a two-parent household. This came with an array of experiences and lessons, both good and bad, as she navigated throughout life. The first major lesson was “What not to do” as she witnessed her parent’s drug/alcohol abuse as well as her father’s physical/emotional abuse to her mother.
These events greatly shaped her life. She made it known with the actions she took that her life would be nothing like her parents or anyone around her.
She has graduated from high school then college with a Bachelor’s degree in Social Work and entered a career where she knew she could advocate support, and plant seeds with the clients she worked with who were coming from similar environments like the one she grew up in.
This career has spanned over 20 years of professional experience. Being a Social Worker, Tonetta had a love for all people no matter how their past may have looked. She knew that everyone possessed positives and strengths no matter what their current behaviors were.
As she navigated through life and noticed how her earliest relationships impacted her life, she began her own soul-searching journey in an attempt to put to rest those generational curses, negative mindsets and find her own truth that would set her free. She saw how this new journey set her on a different course and mission in life, career, relationships, and spirituality.
Looking back on her life as a mentally free and healed woman, she began to see different perspectives as to what could have been the causes of the breakdown in her own relationships as well as that of her parents. She embarked on a journey to find out the why’s.
With her love of people and how they related to one another, as well as seeing how their behaviors made or broke their relationship bonds, Tonetta started on a journey into the world of relationships with the Facebook blog called Taboo: A Love, Sex and Relationship Blog about five years ago.
This blog has now been turned into a full-fledged relationship coaching business called Speak Your Truth in February 2020 during the covid-19 crisis. With the world in quarantine, she knew that people were now forced to be home including couples whose relationships may have been strained due to years of foundation of breakdown.
She created Speak Your Truth out of this concern as a means to help those committed couples create a better relationship through improving their communication, friendship foundation, and couples spark. The rest is yet to come…
Unknown Speaker 0:04
So I want to know, in this moment in this present moment, what is the thing that is lighting you up?
Unknown Speaker 0:09
The most thing that is lighting me up the most, I would say is we’ll just find out more about who I am. I mean, that’s the that’s what’s been lighting me up the most, that every day I learned something new. That’s all I can say. That’s what led me up the most. As I go on my business journey, my personal journey and things like that. I’m learning more about who I am, what I want, what I stand for, and what I’m going to stand for, what am I going to back down from? So that’s what I’m, that’s what’s driving me up the most.
Unknown Speaker 0:38
And what is the most recent thing that you’re finding out about yourself that you’re starting to explore?
Unknown Speaker 0:44
I’m actually I did a video this morning talking about faith, actually, yesterday, and this morning, actually. So that’s the main thing that it’s lately, it seems like that’s coming up a lot. I wasn’t one that had a religious background. And my family, of course, is Baptist. And my grandfather was a pastor and things like that. But I was always consider myself an atheist. So until a few years ago, but as I went to I, of course, surrender to that kind of thing. And was, I knew, I knew that there was always some kind of higher power, or I always knew that, but it just seemed like it just wasn’t, I was just angry at that person. I guess I put it that way. So. So like I said, the faith and trying to, of course, not have control over every single thing, because I know in the past, growing up, that control kept me safe. I guess I put it that way. And that’s the easiest way I can put that. So of course, it’s surrendering, surrendering that control and not wanting to of course, control everybody around me as well, that kind of thing. I’m learning how to do that. So. So like I said, the faith is definitely the main thing that’s, of course, increasing. And then I’m growing in.
Unknown Speaker 1:43
So you said that this is a recent thing, like from a few years ago, what kind of led that that need for change or need for that higher power.
Unknown Speaker 1:53
Um, actually, it was back in, let me see 2018 actually, leading up to that maybe like a year before, but actually many years before that, but because I’ve had all kinds of craziness going on in my life, but I was with a guy at the time, actually, we have been together seven, seven and a half years, I think at that time, I was of course, unhappy, unhappy with the job I had on hand with the guy. I mean, everything just seemed like I’ve been less happy with all these things going on, and unhappy of where I was in life. And I’m like, this is ridiculous. So one day, it was actually in January, I don’t know, like the actual date. But it wasn’t January, I of course was laying in bed, I was of course crying, I was talking to a higher power, just saying please help me cuz I’m unhappy. I need to have some happiness. And I’m always like chipper and things like that, but unhappy, meaning that I was getting depressed. But the situations that were going on, I guess I put it that way. So of course, I started praying and that kind of thing just forgot to bring me happiness. And I bring me different people in my life where I can, of course, grow more, learn more and experience more that kind of thing. And best believe the next two weeks or so I was getting changes. I guess I’ll put it that way. There’s lots of blue things going on people popping up on my wall, are you what’s going on that kind of thing. And like I said, it was just, that’s what I actually had had and had a big awakening, I guess I’d say that. And it just led me down the path of surrendering and trying to of course, get myself together, ending that relationship. And that kind of thing as well just ended a whole lot of things actually ended that relationship, had my goddaughter had to move out my household and all kinds of stuff was going on. So like I said, that was that was back when it started back in 2018. So I’ve been on a crazy path since then, I guess I can say this.
Unknown Speaker 3:34
You say crazy. But I bet it’s been a lot of fun. Even though it’s probably been quite a roller coaster of emotions coming from where you were to like actually surrendering? Because that’s not an easy process.
Unknown Speaker 3:50
Oh, it wasn’t easy at all. I had different people. Like I said, I asked God about having people come into my life. And they can teach me those kinds of things as well, because I didn’t I’ve never read the Bible until this year, I started actually, actually no, it wasn’t it was late last year, I started my first time ever, like of course reading through it, that kind of thing. And the partner I have now he knows a lot about the Bible has studied it and that kind of thing as well. So I’m still learning. But back in 2018, like I said, there was all kinds of folks spiritual folks that came into my life. And I’m like, I had never heard of these people before. But of course, we all became friends. And of course, they actually helped me on that on that journey helped me just Of course, realize that I have to just go within and figure out what I’m what I’m about who is tonight, I guess I put it that way. So I definitely had like I said, the folks I had at that time, I still have them in my life. And I’m definitely very, very grateful. I guess for all of them. Even the ones who blocked me even the ones who did mean things and that kind of thing or said they didn’t care what I was doing or whatever it was I loved them all as well so that you made this journey so
Unknown Speaker 4:52
and I think that’s beautiful that you knew to ask for those people to be put into your journey.
Unknown Speaker 4:57
Yeah, yeah, that’s something I had never asked you before. Actually, like I said, I’ve always known there was some type of hire or something. But like I said, in my mind is just like you’re not helping me. I’m having all this chaos, things are going wrong and all this stuff is happening. So why is there a god? What’s the point? And so like I said, that’s what I said, back when I was very, very young, probably not even 10 years old. But I couldn’t care less about a guide. Anything else? I started that via actually. So in the questions that I had back then as well as for different people, because of course, we had to go to church as as a child, I guess, to put it that way. And but my grandparents whenever I was over their house, and it was just like, Okay, I’m asking the passwords, questions, trying to get answers. Nobody wants to give me answers. So I said, Oh, well forget it. So what’s the point? Oh, so So yeah, very interesting, I guess I can say.
Unknown Speaker 5:43
But it’s opened up some really cool doors for you and I know that like your you have like an amazing group and amazing message. It’s called speak your truth.
Unknown Speaker 5:51
How was that?
Unknown Speaker 5:54
Um, speak your truth actually came I started that actual I am because I’m, I am a social worker. I’ve been a social worker now for over 20 years. So I had a relationship blog on Facebook actually, maybe like, five, almost six years ago called on taboo. And so of course, I was talking about couples and sex and all these kinds of things. And that was something that I’ve always been interested in. Actually, back when I was in my 20s, I was always talking about how once I have sexual education workshops, and talk about sex toys, and do all these things, and have all these groups, and retreats, and all this kind of stuff. But I never got anything started because I was too much living in survival mode, just living day to day, month to month, just making sure I can, I guess can survive and do what I need to do my household. So when I of course, I thought about the blog, that kind of thing. And once it ended, but I was trying to figure out what am I gonna go next? And I’m like, What are the skills that I have all the people that I’ve connected with? Why do I even just become a coach? So I’m like, I already have the background. I am a social worker for a long time. And that’s the, that’s the degree of people, I guess, is what I call it. So. So like I said, definitely, that’s what that business came from, I actually started a little bit different in the beginning, I guess I can say, it was still about couples and that kind of thing. But I was trying to speak my message and what I wanted to say and that kind of thing. But like I said, that’s where all that came from. I just want to of course, now I’m talking to couples and singles, who are looking to of course, get into more relationships and that kind of thing. But let’s unpack that baggage. So. So like I said, that’s that’s where I’m at right now, I guess I can say that. I’m learning about more about the sexual education piece as well join a sex toy company. So I’m of course learning those sex toys and all this kind of stuff. So I’m like, I cannot keep on waiting and procrastinating and saying that I’m doing this and doing that. And I haven’t even started doing what I said I wanted to do. So I started that two months out, while almost two months ago, actually. So. So that’s been interesting. Actually, I can say that. That’s never been interesting. It has been fun, though to of course, as well.
Unknown Speaker 7:47
I can see it both sides of the coin that the fun and the play. While it’s also very intense, I’m sure which that social work is really helpful with, Correct, correct
Unknown Speaker 7:59
because I’ve worked at all kinds of photos from the juvenile court to the actual adult courts to, like I said, foster care, all kinds of things in between homelessness, and all kinds of things. So I have all types of experience, I guess I can say that that’s definitely helped them. So yes.
Unknown Speaker 8:14
So I want to know, since you’ve been doing this for a little while, how did the pandemic affect, like the need for this? This communication, the, you know, sex education, and all of that, like, have you seen any changes with us having to be stuck in our houses,
Unknown Speaker 8:32
i the only changes I saw the main things I know in the beginning, because that’s actually when I stopped or started the group. Well, actually, I didn’t even have the group started, I did a video on my regular page on Facebook, because I had been reading about talking to other people, about course, the relationships and that kind of thing and somewhere and somebody posted something about how I remember who it was about, but it was somebody’s child and child abuse and that kind of thing and how those numbers had increased and how the domestic violence numbers had increased. Or were were starting to increase during the COVID era, I guess lockdown and things like that. So I did a video one day actually talking about that. And just talking to couples about how they can of course try to of course work on their issues and that kind of thing trying to communicate trying to course better build their connection. And I also did a series that I’ve also dealt with domestic violence victims a lot as well include my own mother too but like I said definitely working with those people and talking in that video about a safety plan and things like that. And some of the ladies in the video was like oh my god you should have been doing these kind of things why don’t you just create there’s a great that so I’m like I guess I’m going to create a credit group in the business around cuz I’m everybody was talking about it and let me know this is definitely something awesome and that kind of thing that they actually needed at that time. So So like I said, That’s that was another reason why I started the actual group. Because I didn’t start that until maybe like a month or two after I actually started the business. I guess I can say it’ll be a year actually this month actually. So So like I said, that was definitely something that I’ve I’ve seen as Far as the the numbers, I guess what the people I’ve talked to and people that have reached out as far as their issues and challenges and that kind of thing within their household and how they’re trying to get out, but don’t know how and all those kinds of things. And like I said, it’s definitely just been a journey, I guess I’d say that.
Unknown Speaker 10:18
It’s been an interesting year, that’s for sure.
Unknown Speaker 10:22
Yes, yes. Yes.
Unknown Speaker 10:25
So when you’re, when you’re working with people, let’s say the people that are wanting to stay but increase that like communication, that connection, that internal fire for one another, like, where do you start normally,
Unknown Speaker 10:38
with the community, it just depends on where they’re at. I mean, it just depends on where they’re at, if they’re not talking to each other at all, or if one partner is of course talking and the other person is shut down, that kind of thing. We have to start wherever they’re at it, because I’ve been in a relationship as well. But the other partner was shut down. So that’s, that’s the area that I come from, as far as the experiences and how I teach my lessons and that kind of thing as well. Like I normally tell them, you have to usually start opening up yourself first, I guess I put it that way, as far as you opening up your communication, being more honest, being more direct, I guess I say, then, of course, ask them those those questions. Some of the questions, of course, are easier questions. Some of the questions are hard questions. I guess I’ll put it that way. Like, Oh, honey, what’s going on? Why don’t you talk to me all, you have to ask those questions. I mean, I can only get you so I guess so far, because I put it that way. But you have to do that do the work and take those actions on your own is what I tell everybody. So like I said, definitely starting where they are and trying to figure out what their what the dynamic is, I guess I put it that way as well. And I’ve even had some reach out, let me know that they’re looking to in the relationship as well. So I know I’ve talked to him about like, I’m, like I said about the communication, that kind of thing. But they didn’t feel that the relationship actually one was a marriage that you can even go any farther and like I told her I mean, you have to dislike I cannot Of course this that that for you either. But you have to decide was of course best for you considering what your what your current situation is. So like I said, I always thought were the couple or whether single women it just depends on the person where they are. So yeah,
Unknown Speaker 12:05
it’s so true. And do you get like people coming to you that are looking that are in a relationship, but are just kind of bored?
Unknown Speaker 12:14
Yes, I do. I’ve got several those because I guess especially since I’ve been talking about sex and that kind of thing. And of course, I’ve always been a person that’s been sex positive. I’ve done all types of things myself experimented with all kinds of lifestyles, and different things like that as well. So that’s what I’m bringing up now in the group? Of course, I’m hopefully so far we haven’t had any issues, that kind of thing at all. As far as anyone. Oh, you shouldn’t do this. You shouldn’t do this. You shouldn’t be a polygamist. Oh, I actually just just interview with somebody that’s in that community about two weeks ago, actually. So that went well. I mean, everybody seems to of course, I guess look at it, I guess I put it that way. And of course, didn’t have anything negative to say. But like I said, as far as a course, I’m getting the bedroom, I guess spiced up I guess I can say that. Like I said, that’s definitely one of the things that I started the business on, and wanted to make sure that I of course, kept that in the business. I guess I put it that way. Because like I said, I do I have always wanted to do such workshops and do all these things to talk about toys and how to use them and working with couples and try to of course improve their sex life. So I know a lot of times people, of course, do get a lot, I get bored a lot. I guess I’m putting I’ve gotten bored before everybody gets bored after the first year or so in a marriage or are in any kind of committed relationship. Sometimes you do have to bring in sex toys, sometimes you got to bring in another person. I mean, it just depends on what you’re trying to do. I guess I put it that way. So. So yes, there has been definitely an interesting conversation, not just in my group. But like I said, For the ones who reached out to me, the what the first one that actually reached out, that was actually last year, she’s actually married that kind of thing, but with their partner and was just trying to reach out and trying to get just a male advice on how they should move forward. Because there are one who has brought somebody else into their bedroom, to of course, watch and participate with their sex life and all that kind of stuff with. And she was just trying to figure out how to, of course, move forward with on a partner, knowing their folks, her family, friends and that kind of thing, or seeing some or hearing about some of the things that they’ve done. And of course, they’re very judgmental, they shouldn’t do this. They shouldn’t do that. Why even married all these kinds of things. So like I said, that was a very interesting conversation as well. So and that was the first person that was like, last summer last spring, actually, that that person reached out. So that was an interesting conversation. So So yeah.
Unknown Speaker 14:28
And I think that it’s sad that it’s such a topic that is so hard for many of us to hear talk about because it’s part of being human. Right, correct is definitely
Unknown Speaker 14:38
part of being human is deftly taboo. That’s why I named the who talks about do taboo conversations. It just seems like we all want to have sex and do all these things, but nobody wants to talk about it. But folks are unhappy. Haven’t had an orgasm in years. Somebody told me the other day last week they had never had an orgasm until this past year. I’m just like, Are you serious? You almost lie is my what’s going on. But like I said we have to talk about about these things, I mean, obviously, there’s a lot of stuff going on. I mean, she’s that person was not the only person that approached me like that. And like I said, we definitely have to talk more about sex is not even talked about in schools much. I don’t know about you. But I know back when I was in grade school, the only thing that we got was like maybe like longer class period, talking about our bodies and our periods and all these kinds of things. And that was really just a scare us to death and say that we should not have sex. I was like, okay, that’s not right. But um, but as I grow up, I grew up and that kind of thing. And, and I’m like, that’s, that’s what was the point of that? There was no point you didn’t teach me anything. So that was your life. So that was just crazy. And just an add on to that talking about schools and that kind of thing. That’s actually something that I actually I’m wanting to get into. I’m not sure yet how to do that. Yes, I’ll think about that. Because I know, most schools here in the US are not looking at having a sexual curriculum. I put it that way. So. So like I said, that definitely bothers me. My God, he has his daughter, she’s 13. So of course, I’ve been talking to her sometimes like about steps and different things. So I can, of course, educate her as well. So I’m just like, oh, my goodness, I like I said, there’s just people we have sex all the time, but, but don’t even want to talk about it. And that bleeds on into our kids and other family. I mean, it just gets crazy, I guess, at least in my own life and has, so that, like I said, that’s just something that has always bothered me, I put it that way.
Unknown Speaker 16:19
I hope that you get into the schools, because there’s so much like back back when it would have been more really nice to know, like, and self pleasure, not just facts, let’s talk masturbation, like that’s not a bad thing. I feel it’s a way of connecting with your own body kind of gotten away from it being Okay,
Unknown Speaker 16:43
we’re talking about it. That’s true. That’s true. That’s true. Even with the kids as well. It’s the same thing. Don’t do this, don’t do that. Don’t touch yourself. Don’t do all that make, okay, they’re all interested in the bodies, just like adults, or people that want to build themselves, all that kind of stuff, something you have to talk about it. And people are just so embarrassed by what’s been what’s the embarrassment about, you have sex almost every day or once a week, or whatever it is. Talk to your kids and talk to your partner about the stuff. It’s not. To me, it’s not that hard. But like I said, I know, there’s a lot of baggage that comes along because of course, I was sexually abused. And some of the women who of course, reached out to me were sexually abused as well. And sometimes that is a hard conversation to have. Sometimes they don’t know how to have pleasure, I guess I put it that way, or they don’t feel that is right, or the religion, that kind of thing came into play. And they of course can have sex and do all these things are happening in the bedroom. But but that’s what they desire, or they want to be a lesbian or whatever it is. And they’re all you have to have a man. I mean, like I said, it’s all kinds of things that definitely come into play, when you’re talking about sex and the dynamics and pleasuring and all that kind of stuff as well.
Unknown Speaker 17:45
Oh, you just said like my, my least favorite words in the world should be you should. But society tells us we should do it’s one of those that that’s like my internal like, oh, trigger
Unknown Speaker 17:56
Unknown Speaker 17:57
Oh, we shouldn’t be doing this. Oh, oh, we shouldn’t be pleasuring ourselves. We shouldn’t be having, you know, like, if we’re gonna if we’re put should bid it. Let’s have fun and pleasure bind it,
Unknown Speaker 18:09
then. Right? That’s right. With me as well, because I’m like, No, no, no. Oh, yes, definitely.
Unknown Speaker 18:17
And I think that’s part of the reason why I connected with you is that it is like, there is there is this important topic. And I just put out a meditation that yesterday that it’s all about connecting with yourself, and it’s touching yourself, and it’s very essential. And I immediately was triggered like, Oh, I should take it down. I shut down. People are gonna judge. I’m going to be in the bathtub with someone who’s touching, you know, like, there was all these things because that voice came in from externally, like, shouldn’t be talking about that. So I think it’s really empowering that you are speaking your truth and putting that back into, you know, our sex life. Our bedroom, our I don’t know, backyard, wherever it is. It’s
Unknown Speaker 19:00
okay. Yes, definitely not hope you kept that video up. Good. Okay, good. Good. Good. Good. Okay, good.
Unknown Speaker 19:08
I did. So I want to know more about like these taboo topics and how you got into like, you went from just working with people to actually offering sex toys to
Unknown Speaker 19:20
Mm hmm. Yeah, the taboo topics I’ve always been one of the ads why all the time about every single thing there is this I mean, that started back when I was a kid actually, then that has still hasn’t changed. And whether it’s about sex topics or anything else, I’m always the one who’s Why did you do this and what what comes out of this, all those kind of things, but the sex toys they actually just came about a month and a half ago, I joined bedroom candy. So of course I’m doing that. I’m trying to of course learn the business and that kind of thing as well. And they have a wide range of sex toys. So of course I’m learning and like I said that kind of thing too. But the sex toy topic that came out a long time ago. Like I said back when I was in my 20s and I guess I can let you know where that I don’t even know if you have Ever heard of so called real estates that used to come on HBO back in the day?
Unknown Speaker 20:04
I think so. I think I wasn’t allowed to watch it though.
Unknown Speaker 20:07
Oh, God, what’s your what’s your okay? Well, I was like, I was like, in my late, like, like 19 2021, that kind of thing. I used to always watch that show. He was to come on all the time. I think they have a course taken it off now. But HBO after real against what is it called afterdark or something like that. And they all and they had these people, of course talking about sex. I mean, that’s what they were talking about. Real sex is showing us different things, BDSM dungeons and all this stuff, and blogging and all this kind of stuff going on. So I’m like, okay, I can do this. I want to do this one day. And then of course, interviewing all these business people about their businesses, summer dominators. And this is the kind of business that they had. And I’m like, this is the craziest thing I really want tomorrow this and and they have these posts, talking about retreats and sexual retreats. And there’s all these like, relationship retreats and all this stuff. Like I said, that’s definitely what sparked my interest with the toys and stuff like that back then. Because the records showing that talking about it, that kind of thing. So I’m like, okay, I can do this one day. Like I said, it took me 20 years later, almost, but I’m doing it now. But But like I said, it definitely has been a journey. And that’s the first thing that always I always talk about. Because like I said, that’s what my interest in sex and interest in sex toys and interesting other lifestyles and all that kind of stuff actually sparked from I guess I’ll put it that way. So I guess base HBO, I guess, real estate for that show again. But like I said, That’s that that is definitely where all that sparked from. And then I had also, before I even get to the sex toys and get I guess, got get get started bedroom candy. There were some people that were of course, reaching out asking about different things as far as because I taught I did a video about sex toys in my group actually talking about buying sex toys, and doing all these things and talking to your partner about it and all this kind of stuff. And people were asking, of course, whether they were going to bathroom sex toys, what cash if they get that kind of thing. So I’m going to steal the space though. So like I said, that was another thing that I was like, I mean, that was one of the other reasons not the main reason. But like I said, that was definitely another reason why once Of course, like I said, come on board with everyone candy. And this has given me a chance to of course run on like I said, the sex toys, what they’re all used for a bachelor play annual play all these kinds of things, like so I’m definitely learning myself, I guess I put it that way. But like I said, this is definitely something that I know that can definitely help the couples and, and the singles have or their their union looks, I guess I put it that way. get more involved in the sweet bear room, I guess, I guess the enjoyment I guess I can say that.
Unknown Speaker 22:28
And that’s like part of living is play and fun and enjoyment. And that’s a huge part of what we have taken away from.
Unknown Speaker 22:35
Unknown Speaker 22:38
So I’m excited. So if someone were to come to you, that was like, really intimidated, because they wouldn’t work walk into like a sex shop, because we have a bunch in the area. And I’ve tried to take a friend and she’s like, I am not going in there. Like, how is it different people can come to you like how do you approach someone who’s like interested, but a little bit shy about the topic.
Unknown Speaker 23:04
What I’ve done recently, as far as I’m haggis talking to those who might be shy about this, I’m only have one so far, because I’ve just gotten to business, but Excuse me, but just talk to that person, of course about their interests, why they’re interested in the toys? What kind of toys are interested in? Are they interested in something that, of course, there’s more like that, you know, play clitoral play that kind of thing, or what are they interested in. And of course, just talking to them just just trying to get where they’re coming from and why they’re kind of shy about it. Of course, whether it was something that happened in the past or whether the partner doesn’t like them, or whatever it was or whether there was sexual abuse, because in some cases there are and they don’t know, or don’t want to open up I guess in that kind of way. I guess I put it that way. Like I said just Of course talking and just trying to get where their head is and what’s going on in the court trying to ease them into the conversation, showing them something light, I guess enlightened people, I guess I put it that way, not so heavy and that kind of thing as well. Like any annual toys or nothing like that. But more of like the bad no bangs, I guess the in the vibrators and stuff like that just showing them things like that, just just to get them even more comfortable. And also just letting them know that it’s okay to use these kind of toys. Like I said, I know there was a big stigma sometimes about the sex shops that we have. I’ve been in media mostly all on my thing here. But like I said, deftly going into these shops and that kind of thing. And folks do have a stigma. And then of course, like I said, the taboo around the sex and the sex toys as well. Like I said more about the education and like I said just trying to find out what they’re wanting and how they’re wanting to play and that kind of thing and trying to find out whether I had said and what were the overall those negativities and we’re all those anxieties and stuff like that come from
Unknown Speaker 24:43
and I think that your background in social work and your your passion, getting this like education, I don’t want to call it sex. Because that seems so like, matter of fact, like like, I don’t know another word for it though, like getting it out that like sex is a good thing. And it’s part of your Your life? How is it that I don’t even know the right question to ask because I just got off track with the sex education. But like, that is not what it is. It’s a beautiful blend of like, empowering yourself and using your social work and showing like, Hey, here’s some a way you can take care for yourself.
Unknown Speaker 25:20
It’s helped here. Correct, Greg? It is self care, self care and self pleasure. Like I said, I know a lot of people with that, like we just talked about, but that taboo is and don’t you can’t have sex, you can’t do this. You can’t play with the toys or whatever the religion not because I know that I have been asked a few times by those who are very religious, and how am I looking at this business? Hey, since I found God recently, that was the last one, since I found God. And that kind of thing is, is my business and me being sex positive getting in the way of that? And I was that was actually like, a few weeks ago, and I was like, What are you talking about? Like, there’s nothing to do. This, to me was self pleasuring that kind of thing. God wouldn’t have gave us those ideas even make the toys. If that was the case. Do you? I guess he, I guess he put them on this earth. So why is that even? I guess to me an issue. So like I said, it’s definitely just just more of making sure that people know that, like, I call it sex education. I don’t have no other word for it. But, but like I said, definitely just making sure that people know that it’s okay to use toys, and to of course, pleasuring themselves and to of course, have the toys with their partner in the bedroom. Now, no, I speaking about the heterosexual couples and that kind of thing. Some men, of course, are intimidated by those sex toys. So I did a video about them, maybe like a week and a half or so ago. And like I said, just ease them into the conversation talking about course, we’re all that uneasiness come from, but I can’t think of a woman will not get addicted to a vibrator. If she’s not gonna replace you. That kind of thing. Like I said, that has been the conversation. So I will say about the education, and just knowing what the toys are for and how they can help you pleasure each other in the bathroom. So like I said, I got a very interesting conversation, I guess. And I’m learning more and more as as I go along as well. So
Unknown Speaker 27:00
I think that’s so exciting. And I think that just the communication alone between the couple has probably changed their relationship, not just in the bedroom, because it is a taboo topic for them. And they do have one partner that’s like really sex positive, and the other one that’s like, missionary, let’s do this only in our bedroom with the shades closed and the lights off. And you’ve got this other one that’s like, let’s bring in toys. Let’s bring it in handcuffs. Let’s
Unknown Speaker 27:27
bring in all the things. I think that that’s really cool that you’re opening up those conversation. Correct? Yes, yes. And just to let you know, one of the videos I did, as well was talking about, because I know some people of course, I know some folks have health issues and different things like that sometimes impotence comes into play, because so one of the girls was actually asked to talk about this topic, I guess I put it that way, as far as the introduction of others in the bedroom, and the importance and that kind of thing, and health issues and all that. So I’m gonna say yeah, it is definitely a journey and definitely good experience, I guess for them to, of course, hear and know about and learn about and that kind of thing as well, because we have all types of things that come up in our lives that may change our views on sex. And I was reading one study, I don’t know the name of the study right now. But they were talking about every 90 days, we have a different change in ourselves or within ourselves. And especially when it comes to sex as I use the every, like 90 to, um, I think like, like 120 days, I believe is what they said that sometimes our Mac can change a man frame can change about this type of sex don’t I guess don’t not not wanting to do missionary anymore. I wanted to do, I don’t know, whatever it is. But like I said, definitely, like I said in a particular study, it was talking about how much we change and how much we want to of course experiment, but some are just scared and and don’t know how to do so I guess I’ll put it that way as well.
Unknown Speaker 28:45
I think that’s fine. Well, you keep talking about this group. Where is this group?
Unknown Speaker 28:49
Oh, I’m sorry. The group was actually on Facebook is called speaker tube community. It is a closed community. So of course, if anybody wants to join, you have to, of course ask for permission and that kind of thing. But it’s been on Facebook. This is like I said the first year, actually on the 28th it’d be the first year or so off the group. So, so yes.
Unknown Speaker 29:07
And I’ll make sure to get the information in the show notes. So if you’re interested in it, get into the show notes, but I just wanted to make sure that like people knew because we keep talking about this group. And it is amazing. And if you are ready I mean it’s not for me like speak your truth when I’ve been digging through your your space. It’s about just like really tapping into that like internal fire within yourself whether that’s sex positive, or like you said, you just found God and you’re going down this path to and I feel like that’s like it’s this all mighty group of one. It’s one place where you go to find yourself and then get in touch and find that play and fun and allow your partner to play and fun.
Unknown Speaker 29:48
Right? Correct. Definitely. Definitely. Making sure that people know that of course you can be yourself and your relationship. Your move all those masters. I’ve been talking about that lately. I know we always I’ve been pushing it up didn’t These relationships and that kind of thing. But I had to go back to the drawing board this past week, actually, I know you said, You’ve been digging into videos and that kind of thing. But as far as more talking about, of course, the individual person, because I know how hard it is for, if you have all these masks on and you’re not fully healed and triggering, and every little thing that goes on your communication, you can’t even have an open conversation about anything. It doesn’t even have to be about sex, but just about your life, where you came from what’s going on all those kinds of things, that’s going to create some very much of a chaotic relationship, I guess I put it that way as well. You’re not going to have a good connection with your partner communication, anything along those lines. Like I said, definitely had to go back to that. I guess I put it that way lately, as far as talking about the stuff and empowerment and that kind of thing, and just being who you are. Because I meet so many people who are afraid to be who they are, is that just a sexual but just in regular just just regular life, they’re just afraid to of course, be who they are, and not care about any judgment from their family, friends, and that kind of thing that is definitely hard for people, which I know that because I had a young lady reached out to me last week, we talked about this in the messenger actually talking about trying to of course, be yourself and that kind of thing. But But getting pushback from the family and she shouldn’t do this, you shouldn’t do that. And it’s causing chaos. And like I have to fail enough telling her because I don’t hold my my tongue at all. So I just tell you what it is. But like I told her, you have to go with it. If whatever you wanted to do, and wherever you wanted to create your life, go ahead and do that. And I told her, like I told her plug all the images, go about your business, and do what you need to do about yourself and your family. You can’t worry about everybody else. And like I said, that’s the main thing that I had to learn as well, growing up and that kind of thing. And people pleaser, and yes, girl and all this kind of stuff. I know I’m not the only one. Like I said that’s definitely what I’m going back to this past weekend for probably four, I guess from now on as well. Just Just making sure that both are empowered individually. Because like I say, with with being a power individually, then you can move into your own positive relationships and positive communication and that kind of thing. That’s very important.
Unknown Speaker 32:00
So important, it’s so important to be in touch with yourself and who you are, like you said, let go of those masks. And it’s crazy because like, at least where I live, we’re still stuck in mass. And we’ll probably be stuck in bed forever. It feels like but it’s like it’s such a good representation right now because we all understand that mask like okay, yeah, it’s only covering this much but covering up half my face. It’s like covering up half your personality to hold back. Love that you just are a straight shooter and like, boom, this is what it is.
Unknown Speaker 32:30
Yeah, I’ve always been that way. I used to be told that I need to think before I spoke and all these kind of things. I’m like, okay, you’ll get over it. Now look at that. That’s always look at things but you’ll get over that at some point. You’re still mad 20 years later than then that’s really all you learn how to forgive is I’m not there. I didn’t really say so.
Unknown Speaker 32:48
So yes, I love that. So if somebody walked away with just one little golden nugget from this episode,
Unknown Speaker 32:55
what would you want them to walk away with, to walk away with learn how to be yourself, that’s the main thing and be who you are and stand in there and not let anybody push you away or waver from that particular stance. Just make sure that you’re being who you are. I love that.
Unknown Speaker 33:13
That is absolutely amazing. And it’s true. It’s like the core of everything in life. If you’re looking for to uplevel your life, have more fun to play, to have a better business to have better relationships. It all starts
Unknown Speaker 33:24
with him. Right? Correct her we got to be who you are.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai