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It is hard to build and sustain a successful business without knowing and loving yourself. Centering yourself so that the needs and desires of others do not pull you is key! Insecurities, fear, and comparison are all at the doorstep, waiting for a chance to tear down your self-esteem. Knowing yourself and what you need and want is so important. Join today’s conversation with Valerie DiLuggo, as we talk about helping women find their joy in themselves & their work by centering themselves and knowing what they want and need. 

Valerie is a Marriage and Family Therapist and a Dating and Relationship coach. She is passionate about helping people love and be loved. She helps women date in the patriarchy and helps couples learn practical & actionable relationship skills, so their relationships flourish. She describes herself as the ‘dating doula’ or the ‘fairy godmother you meet along the journey of love. She wants to see all women living in freedom and celebrating themselves. Valerie’s talks and teachings are all colored with humor and vulnerability. If you’re looking for love–start by centering yourself.

Tune in! 

Let’s Connect

Valerie DiLuggo

Website: http://www.sothisislove.club/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sothisislove.club/

Jenn Dragonette (Host)

Website: https://jdragonette.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/j.dragonette/

In This Episode, You Will Learn About: 

[00:09] Meet Valerie, a marriage and family therapist

[02:22] How Valerie ended up being called “the dating doula.”

[06:20] Tools you can utilize before seeking a counselor or therapist

[10:08] The burden of knowing who you are

[14:00] How to be a happy couple without compromising 

[18:21] The concept of “Dreams within conflict.”

[21:11] When you can’t solve your conflicts…

[25:14] Do not abandon your needs for the sake of serving other person’s needs

[27:40] The 80-20 rule of marriages

[30:44] Valerie’s marriage and dating coaching business 

[25:48] How you can reach out and connect with Valerie

[36:25] This episode’s golden nugget

FULL TRANSCRIPTION

We are talking, dating relationships and business. I know big, right? You are going to love our guests today. Valerie. She is a marriage and family therapist dating and relationship coach. And she’s known as the dating doula. I know. Why are we talking about dating doula when this is an entrepreneur podcast?

Because entrepreneurship really affects our relationships, right? Yeah. Everything in our lives, whether that is our marriages, our dating lives, or maybe you just haven’t made time. So today’s conversation is one you will want to tune into. She is helping us learn practical and actionable relationship skills so that our relationships flourish and it’s with others, with ourselves, with our clients, with everyone.

So are you. Let’s dig in. You’re listening to feed your business with love with Jen dragon neck. You are about to experience a tsunami of self love in your life and business because we have too much magic inside to just be a ripple, let go of society standards and those gurus who leave you burned out, put aside any imposter syndrome feelings and ask yourself, what is it you really want?

Because success starts from within. Rediscovering yourself built confidence in your message and who you are. Your tribe will follow. Let’s unleash the magic inside by being our true, authentic selves, starting podcasting for your soul in 3, 2, 1. So, welcome to the podcast, Valerie. Thanks for having me.

I am really excited for this conversation and hang on to your hats. We have the dating doula in the house. Yes, yes. I’m here. What do we need to do? Who needs to get taken care of?

When I read that, I was like, oh, there’s so much that has to do with any kind of relationship, whether it’s dating and it all starts with. , whether it’s their business, it’s figuring out the plot. So I want to know first, like how did you get, get to be called the dating doula? Well, , it’s funny my friend and I we were talking about relationships and just how.

Actually falling in love. And, , we, the old amusement park was like the tunnel of love. Right. It was dark and people were making out of whatever, right? Like the tunnel of love. So we like turned that into the birth canal of love. Like when, to start a relationship, to get two people together and keep that thing going, like it is like giving birth, right.

There’s like blood, sweat, and tears. And. Sometimes it hurts. And there’s a lot of joy and a lot of gratitude, but finding love, especially I think in our modern culture is really hard. And so that’s, I just found that I was just working with a lot of women that were. Looking for love. And I actually think our society is pretty rough on women who are looking for love so many expectations, so many judgments, and I don’t think it has to be that way.

So I’m here to help on that road to love. And I just, it just came out of my work with women. If you look at my sort of bio on my website, you’ll see that. I say that I joke that my degree in marriage and family therapy saved my relationship, but it’s not really that much of a joke. It’s kind of true.

And so I just found so many great principles that were sort of, I call it like we distill the secret sauce of relationship counseling and, and, and break them up into bite sized pieces that anybody could use in any form of communication. Because, right. Like people wait too long to go to relationship counseling.

And if you ask a straight man, if he wants to go, right. Like the odds are is like, I’d rather go get my teeth pulled right. And it’s tough. It’s, it’s tough to untangle when you’ve waited too long. But inside of like couples counseling, there’s so many great skills that if we just front load them right, then maybe the re the road won’t be so bad.

Oh, so that’s how I got here. That’s awesome. But sometimes those bumpy roads, there are a lot of fun nights

today. Okay. So I’m workshopping. This description is I work. So a lot of like analogies. Okay. So I’m workshopping this description because I have a lot of people telling me, like, why is dating? So, why, why is it so difficult? And I’m like, look. These are strangers. You don’t know, if you go up to a new dog that you don’t know, right.

You’re just like, you’re cautious. Cause you’re like, I don’t know this dog isn’t going to bite me. Is it going to play right? Does it like people and but we don’t, we just kind of rush in, in dating. And if you were to date a coworker that you saw every day, yeah. Jim brings his lunch every day and he says, hi, and he’s kind of.

Oh, but don’t get it. Like you kinda know him and dating him. Would it be such a wild rollercoaster? Right. But as a total stranger, it could be a wild ride. You have no idea what you’re in for. And that’s why we feel like it’s such a thrilling ride when we’re, when we’re trying to date. I love that. And I really, I see that in, in any relationship like we’re punching before.

Entrepreneurship. Let’s talk about you learned to date yourself because you’re in your business a lot in the beginning, and then you have to work on this. You mentioned this part about communication and showing up and having the tools before you get to the place where you actually are like this. I need this counseling.

I need this therapy, if not, I’m out. So what are some of those tools that can. You wish that people knew before they got to that point? Yeah. That’s a good question. I think for even bringing it back to entrepreneurship and in your business and I’m sort of just getting my toes wet into this building.

Like this coaching side of my business. I’ve been a therapist for awhile, but my husband is like a serial entrepreneur and it’s like international, so he’s gone a lot and yeah. Butts well, well, okay, well this is like, this is like advanced, this is an advanced skill, but I think that one of the great things about a long-term relationship is you really need to know when to compromise and when actually compromise isn’t the right move.

If he would have compromised to the level that I wanted him to compromise, I don’t think his business would have ever taken off. I don’t think it would have gotten to the success that he did. And then that would have just brought so much other turmoil. Right. But I thought it was real fair. Like this is how many days I think you could be gone and he’s I need more.

And I’m like, why are you being so mean to me? Do you even do you even care about this relationship, but the Gottman’s. Have an Institute on couples. They’re like one of the experts, the Gottman Institute, like they talk about just that people sometimes compromise too much. So you really have to know what’s your, what’s your dream within the conflict and get those like concentric circles smaller to see what part you really can’t compromise.

And what part is up for negotiation because right. Like we also talk about centering yourself, how that’s so important that that’s, there’s nobody else that has that job at you. We know very easily that you, we can relate to the analogy of taking your oxygen mask. You have to put your own on first on a plane.

Right. And but our culture has some somehow taking, centering yourself and made us feel selfish for doing. Right. But I think that one thing that I really wish everyone knew before they went into relationship is self-mastery. Who are you? What do you need? What do you bring to the table? What are some of your triggers or your enduring vulnerabilities as we call them?

I’ve started asking clients, what’s your plat stick. If you had to break down your self-care into three things, right? Like your level of sun, your level of watering and how does your soil content, right? Like that little plants to gives you just enough. And so I tell clients like, figure out your plan.

’cause when you get really stressed, you just need to know. Okay. For me, it is sun it’s. And laughter if I’m having to, if I need to distress, if I I could throw music in there too, but those are my three things. And so I encourage everyone find your plan, stick, know yourself, how can you, how can you expect someone else to come in and meet your needs and build this life with you?

If you don’t know yourself. And I think you can take that and apply that to your business life as well. You need to really know yourself. You can apply that to every aspect of your life. There is, there is nothing more powerful than knowing yourself. And I know this just from last year, I went on a retreat and our first question that we had to write in a journal about was who am I?

And I sat there for 20 minutes and I couldn’t even put my name on my page because I was like, Hmm, I don’t know anymore. So I think that what you’re saying about that plant state. It’s so simple yet. It’s so hard for many of us because we’re in this culture that’s taken away. That and knowing the inner knowing and whether it’s just our Western culture, whether it’s a religion that you’re involved in, or you grew up in, or your culture is very self sacrificing, right.

That that’s where the burden is that or that your body isn’t good or your body is like, it has these evil desires. I think that that’s the shame. In, in some where things have been taken too far where we’ve been sort of. Detached from our body. So how can, how can, what pleasures you, how can, what you’re even hungry for?

Right. How do you know like the, there’s a great trauma book called the body, keeps the score, right? And it is that fight flight or freeze is stored inside of our body. And we can ask our body, just check in. If you need to make a decision or you have these two ways, you can go imagine going one way and then just kind of call it a body scan.

It’s just, a fancy term for just kind of, Scan your body and see how’s it feel. And then imagine yourself doing the other one and see how that feels. And your body can give you so much information. If we just, if we just tuned in, if we just tuned out. Yes. We forget to tune in so often.

I mean, we’re, we’re in that hustle culture. We’re in that let’s have the instant gratification. Let’s do it right now. If it’s not instant, I don’t want it. But that pause, like you were saying, the body scans, if you can get back in your body, She tells you a whole bunch of things you don’t want to hear.

Yeah. And it, it just, it really, it really helps. And, I don’t, I imagine you have some people pleasers in your audience and I think when you’re, yeah, when you’re not a people pleaser, you can just say, what’s wrong. Like just start saying no more, like just, just Greg grow a backbone or whatever.

Right? Whatever people think. And, and I realized it’s not that all people pleasing there is this tremendous warning signal in your body. That I find happens with most people who are people pleasers. That’s don’t do it. You can’t have anybody mad at you. You can’t have you can’t let someone down and the feeling in your body is overwhelming.

And that actually, I guess, that will really. Stop you in, stop your growth. Right. As a, as a business owner, when you’re afraid, like we, we have an Airbnb and there’s times where like I’ve had to confront people and I’m like, I know I have to do it. I have to fight through this feeling. Right. But it’s, it’s my property.

Like I know that I’m in the right, but it’s that someone’s going to be upset. And my body is don’t do it. Don’t do it. And so just learning that we can, we can tolerate distress. We can Sue ourselves through those things and it gets easier every time. Right. So the body really does give us so much information.

Yes, yes it does. And I want to go back to this. Yeah. I mean like you’ve given us so many great things, but the thing that keeps popping up in my mind is this compromise the word compromise when you were talking about compromise, because like you. If your husband would have compromised down to where your level was, then there’s this whole other piece.

But I think that shows up in compromising for ourselves and, and anything else, because we do compromise, like how did you come to the conclusion that, okay, here’s what I want. Here’s what I want or here’s what I need. Here’s what he wants. How did you find that balance of compromising to that point where you’re both happy, you’re still married.

I’m like you are still married, aren’t you? Yes. Okay. So the Gottman’s also say that more than 60% of the issues in a relationship are unsolvable more than 60% of the issues you have in a relationship are on. They are only manageable. I know, I know it’s, it’s a wonder that we, any of us stay together, but I also find that that gives great relief because I always want to find the answer.

I want a solution. I want us to fix this. Right. And I think that just normalizing. So part of my business, so this is love. I named it that because sometimes it’s. I want to be real about what romantic love is longterm, romantic love. Right? So sometimes love is ah, so this is love. Like I feel so well loved.

And then sometimes it’s so this is love with a big old question, mark. This is what everyone fights so hard for dreams about seeing. Or, starts wars for, right. Sad country songs. Like I didn’t, I didn’t think this was in the car. I was like, this is wild. And I want to normalize that.

So the more that we can normalize what it’s really like to be in a, like a long-term partnership, the better for all of us, because our brain, right? We’re still, we’re like kind of this evolutionary wise, we’re still in fight flight or freeze mode. Right. So everything is a danger. We have a Guan as in our, in the yard.

In Florida and we stepped by them and they run we’re going to kill. We’re not going to kill that one. We’re just trying to get them out of the way. Right. But I just noticed like every move is life or death and how our nervous systems have evolved to understand like emotional, emotional danger and like real life, life or death.

Right. So that’s why it feels like if this person gets mad at me, it’s life or death, it’s not, it’s not life or death. You’re not going to die, but our bodies are still in this fight flight or freeze. Right. So, so the compromise it’s just, it helps to normalize. So when our brain can, when we can say, I know what that is, that’s part of our 60% that’s unsolvable.

Then you can, then you can send it from more of like your reptilian brain up to your prefrontal cortex that can re. This is where all the thought and reasoning goes. Right. So then we could reason with it. Oh, okay. I know what that is. Right. You hear a noise in the middle of the night and until, you know what that is, it is a burglar, right.

It’s an intruder danger. Right. And until you know what it is, it’s danger, then it’s oh, that’s a pigeon on my room. I’m safe. Right. So, so I, that’s why I love to normalize a lot of this stuff. That 60% you’re just going to mass. I know your eyes are still for the people that are watching the video of Mike, you can see my facial expression in the actual podcast, like 60% is unsolvable.

Say, it’s not true. It’s wild. It’s wild. But if you think about right, the kind of like the funny stuff of well, not funny, like he’s dirty or she’s the messy one or he’s the messy one. Like you’re not solving that you’re managing, you’re managing that issue. Right. For us, it’s an ongoing thing that we manage.

That’s why I started telling you that because we were still negotiating the other day of how long he was going to be gone. And it’s. This is going to be it, but, are there other things in our relationship that make it worth it? Yes. Right. And then the other thing they talk about, which I think is really important, I think for a lot of your business owners as well, this is gonna be really important or helpful that another concept is called dreams within conflict.

So a lot of times. Yeah. A lot of the times when we get stuck, it’s because our dreams are inside the conflict and that’s why they feel so important and so difficult to untangle. And so asking what’s the dream inside this. For my husband, it was, he really needed to prove himself and be successful and get this business off the ground and what it meant to him and, his beliefs about himself, even to like that, providing for his family.

That was very important. Yeah. And then for me, part of it, well, I was on like, I didn’t get married, be alone, but also some of the, the, like I wanted a closer family, a closer knit family than what I grew up in, or like I wanted to start a family. And that was really hard when you’re not in the same continent.

And I just, I wanted. Closeness and, and to be able to create this bigger sense of community and with him, with him being gone, that didn’t feel like it could happen. And so see how like both of our dreams were in there. So I think that that’s really helpful when you’re trying to understand each other as a couple and.

What dreams are inside the stress and inside the issues that you’re facing. And then you look into those concentric circles of what part can’t you? Prom compromise. And what part can you, oh, oh, I’m like, there’s so much there. There’s so much juice inside there. I’m like, ah, juicy, juicy. Yeah. Oh, I have my brain is like still at the 60% for a stop sorry to drop that bomb.

I’m like, but it’s also, it’s a sense of freedom because it’s oh, I’m not doing this wrong. Exactly. This is par for the course. Exactly. Yeah. So when you’re starting to step back, because it is a step back, because if you’re in conflict, that’s a pretty, there’s some pretty hefty emotions in there that are going to take over to step back to where you were both able to see here’s my needs and here’s his needs.

Okay. We know there’s enough here to make it work, but how do you move? I mean, is it coming to someone like you for support? Is it. Taking the leap of faith and saying universe is just going to make it work. What is it when you can’t resolve this situation where you can still have your needs met, his needs met and kind of like co and habit, this, this crazy thing we call life.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that, again, getting back to that self centering, and this is the tricky thing is I’ve had people say to me Well, it’s really easy to send to yourself when you’re alone. But what about when you’re in a relationship? And I think self-centering, you have to stay in that mode, but I think the biggest part is to figure out what you need.

So again, being really, and I even like counseled people, if you want to go and confront your partner about something. My best practice is to know what they, what do you want to be different? Or what do you need? What are you asking them to change? I know you’re angry, but if you can’t say, well, what do you need from me?

Cause a lot of people say, well, I don’t know yet. Okay. Well let’s why don’t we spend a little more time by ourselves versus, right. Because you, you need to bring that. So that’s why that self knowledge is so very important. So I really start there to have both of you look at what do you need. And again, those circles of well, this is really what I need.

Whether it’s I need respect or I needed, I needed companionship, right? Like I needed my husband to be around enough. And then seeing if you can work it out and see what can be done and where you can compromise and that not every, like there are seasons, right. There are seasons of things.

And I had some things that I said, well, like again, I needed us to try and move forward to have a family. And I need you to be around. So he started prioritizing weekends. Like he’s okay, not gonna, try and travel on weekends. We can spend more time together. Right. Like I saw him he kept a lot more of his promises to me and I just saw the shift and to be very honest, some things are just what’s the word?

They’re just like the natural things in life. Circumstances, circumstances, that’s the word? His business actually got off the ground, so cause I was making, we were making great sacrifices for little return and sometimes right. Just being real with like circumstances. Make a big difference.

So his business started to become successful. And so then it was like, oh, I felt, I felt more motivated to make the, to make the sacrifice. Right. Wow. I really want to support him. I love him. Like I want him to succeed. Okay. How can I make this work? I moved some things around, but also again, Keeping that core of what I needed.

Right. Making sure I didn’t lose myself, making sure it wasn’t all about him and his life being centered also, I, again, it took a lot of. Dating, you can have solo seasons in any stage of life. Right. I had some real solo seasons and the meaning I make right now that I’m no longer making the meaning that oh, my husband doesn’t care.

He doesn’t want to be here. Right. All that stuff. Like now that that meaning is gone now, it’s okay, What could I do with this time? Like we live in it. We, we’ve lived around San Francisco for so long that a lot of our friends have moved away. So I get to go visit them.

Like you make it work for you. Right. So, okay. You’re going to be gone. I’m going to go go see my girlfriends, and so you find a way to make it work, but again, you can’t. I love the, I love the definition of like self-care and boundaries that talks about. You need to find the line, ask yourself the question.

When did you abandon yourself to take care of the needs of someone else? Oh, right. Oh, you’re speaking to my heart. I’m like, I am a fire. I’m a Cal fire wife. So we’re at California state. Like you’re talking about seasons and I’m like, I’ll see you in three months. Exactly. Right. Right. And, and just that ebb and flow and ah, yes, yes.

That can be hard for sure. I think that we, especially as women have been like conditioned socially, socialized that sacrificing for our family for others is like a high calling or the highest praise we get for sacrifice. Right. Even during the pandemic we saw, oh, mothers, thank you so much. But got nothing, no extra childcare, right?

No, no, no, no subsidies for childcare or whatever. It’s just oh yeah, you’re amazing, but we’re not going to pay you. Right. So it’s really important not to abandon yourself and your needs and to really be honest about those and hold everything lightly, to be very honest, a lot of different marriage thought leaders talk about that.

You’re going to be married to six or seven different versions or different people, different versions of that person. Right. And, and I like to say that. The ties that bind you together, the moral elastic they have in them, the more right, the more, the less rigid they are. If you put two giant rubber bands in between two people, you can grow, you can stretch, you can be curious about this thing.

You can be gone for a few months, you can, you can grow and evolve without those bonds breaking. But if the bonds that held you together are brittle. It might not last and maybe that’s not the bright, like I had to come out of that. Like I grew up to believe that divorce was the worst thing in the world and it, and I saw a lot of women kind of trapped in that financially.

Right. With the whole you it’s, it’s your fault, all this, all these things. Right. But can we, can we normalize sometimes that people change a little too much and. Maybe, maybe the best thing for both of you is for this to not go on in the same way. Is that okay? Like I know it’s not a good healing.

But, but the, but those things happen. Yeah. I’m also, yes. Going back this up. Can I also say I’m also workshopping the idea of the 80 20 rule in relation? Oh, 80% of the time I feel incredibly well loved. I’m in love. I’m like, wow, we did this thing. We have a good thing going, I’m a happy.

And then 20% of the time, I’m like, Hmm. Okay, let’s call it. Okay. Or just get out of my face. I don’t want, oh, this is, oh, this is a cautionary tale. We should not be together. Like it 20% of the time I’m in that phase. So I don’t know can we normalize that? Can we normalize that, that, if that feels okay to you, whatever that number is for you, it’s like a sleep number, bed, whatever number is okay for you and your partner, can you can your, even your nervous system handle that.

Can that be okay. And that’s it not to romanticize in an unrealistic way that you’re going to be happy and fulfilled and a hundred percent of the time. Oh, yeah. Cause that’s what we’ve been set up for is that a hundred percent of the time your marriage is going to look like the fairy tales that you grew up with?

Yes. we saw the dating and the courting right. Like all the stories and either at the, at the wedding day or they do this flash forward a couple years, it’s not because it’s the messy part of life. Like that puppy dog phase that like honeymoon phase. I really believe that that’s the only way we would fall in love with each other.

We get huge hits of dopamine. And we’re not seeing it. I think that dopamine blinds us to all the leg, each other’s faults. It’s just oh my gosh, this is amazing. And naturally that fades and we’re not on our best behavior anymore, and it’s not all shiny. And that’s where the kind of the work comes in.

So I like to also say feeling well, loved is amazing. And it’s an also, it’s not everything. You can have a rich, multifaceted life while you’re waiting for love, because it’s something we don’t have control over. You really can’t control when you find love. That seems to click. That’s so true, unless it’s from yourself.

There you go from yourself. Yeah. You can give that to yourself all the time. All the time. I love that. So this is love. I am like, oh, that is so amazing. And I love that you put the two emphasis so this is love. So this is love. Yes. So I don’t relate it to know how, like you came to this, but what are you doing inside that?

So this is loud. So this is. The business. Yes. Where you mean? Oh yeah. Okay. As your business. Yeah. Yeah. So it’s the coaching side of my of my business. I also am a therapist in the state of California, but I wanted to expand work with other people work in, in maybe a different way, sort of, I can tell stories, like you’d be a little work in a different way, but I do individual coaching couples, coaching.

I work with people who are dating and we’re creating a space on Instagram just to share. I talk about fine nurture and celebrate love. That’s a big part is make good memories and celebrate them often. Like that sort of my husband’s very nostalgic. And I was like, why you keep talking about all these old stories?

And then I found out that that was like an amazing thing you could do in your relationship. Okay, fine. You like know one good thing to do

as a couple, but make good memories and revisit them often again, the chemicals, the dopamine. So, We’re creating that space to celebrate love. But my, my group coaching offering right now is called reset yourself for love. And that’s where I talk about. Let me be your dating doula. And it’s six weeks in a group in a group format.

It’s for. Women who have kind of said, that’s it. I’m going to take a break from love and from dating, I need to spend some time on myself. I need to kind of work on that. And we honor that intuition. You don’t necessarily have to go cold Turkey with dating, but I think it’s just honoring that call to kind of come into yourself and really really emphasize that self-love compassion.

Understanding yourself, right? Like just like in business, you have to know your product and you gotta be able to sell it. Right. And you gotta know, like, why would someone fall in love with you? Why are you amazing? Why do you deserve to be treated well? Right. What do you want, what kind of life do you want to create?

And I think part of my framework is. Is to reclaim some of these single seasons because it’s a little bit of a lie, but it’s not amazing to be on your own. Sometimes it was like, we’re told you need to find a man. I’m like, well, actually it’s really kind of nice sometimes not to have one, right? So what can you do?

I call it like your solo season. Everyone loves a solo. Like you get to shine, you get to focus on you. And really that’s a great space. So I want to reclaim that, that, Back in the days used to be called an old maid or, all these things. And it’s no, you’re like a fabulous woman. Who’s doing her thing.

Just taking care of herself, figuring out what she wants and crafting an amazing life. And that’s that multifaceted part is another part of the framework, because I think also we’ve been putting too much emphasis on romantic love to meet every single need you, it takes a village, it takes a village.

You need your community, you need your not don’t even your PR like your profession. If you have one or just something that makes you feel alive, you need family. Right. You need your girlfriends. If you’re in a hetero relationship, you need your girlfriends even more because they’re going to understand things that it’s probably not going to understand.

Right. It really that’s, that’s part of helping to create a good environment for love to flourish when, when not all the eggs are all the pressure is put on that. So we walk through all of that. We look at sort of like how love has left a mark, some of those enduring vulnerabilities. And then we create this.

We really just the sensory visceral vision of what kind of love you want? What do you want your life to look like? And then what kind of person would fit into that, and that will really help prime you for love. Yes. And I love that you say prime me for love because I’m like, Ooh, if we would’ve gone back in time, if we could rewind and actually come into this, there’s probably so many of them.

60% conflicts that would not come up at least, cause if you took the. To have those solo seasons. I’m like, I’m fortunate enough that being a fire wife, that I have lots of solo seasons and I love them. I love my husband, but I get so much stuff done. Right. It’s creative. And just for me, it’s I want a self-care day.

I’m going to go and get a massage. I’m going to go to the beach. And I don’t ask anybody. It’s great. The best of both worlds. And I don’t have to date anymore, which is so hard out there. I love what you’re bringing to women. And I think that it’s, it is a huge, it’s going to make a huge. So where can people find you to get in your space, maybe become part of this next program?

That you’re really? Yes. Yes. You can find me on my website is, so this is love.club and just look at the fine love programs. You’ll see, recite yourself. Love you can sign up for my newsletter. You can get my, get my free sort of mini course about how to. The first steps to resetting yourself for love.

And then you can find me on Instagram at, so this is love.club. Oh, I am so excited. Thanks so much for having me. Yeah. So if someone were to walk away with just that one little pivotal golden nugget mic drop moment, what would you want them to remember from this conversation? Don’t abandon yourself center yourself.

And stay there. It’s worth it. It’s worth it. Don’t abandon yourself, lean into yourself, lean into knowing who you are and what you want and what you deserve. And I promise you, I promise you. You’re not missing out on anything that you didn’t deserve in the first place.